Wasn’t It A Dream?

By the Rev. Ei’ichi Kondo’o
Konko Church of Ueno

What My Mother Wrote in her Diary

Thirteen years have passed since my mother passed away.  My mother was born with a heart condition called atrial septal defect and bronchial asthma.  Because of these congenital conditions, she was very fragile and therefore was not able to take part in school events such as athletic meets and school excursions.  Since I was innately healthy, she often said to me, “How fortunate you are, being given a healthy body!  You can participate in any school event.”    Mother had a custom to write in her diary.  On January 25, 1995 she wrote the following in her diary: “Today is a memorable day for me, because on this day, Kami allowed me to become a mother for the first and only time in my life.  Kami knows that I have an inborn disease of the heart, and yet allowed me to give birth to my son.  I cannot but wonder how it was all possible, considering my physical condition.  And I cannot help but appreciate the wondrous workings that Kami did for my only child and myself.  My son was a premature baby, yet Kami has allowed him to live fully to this day, 35 years later.  He is now the father of two children and serves Kami at our church every day.”

The Fourth Konko-Sama composed a poem, “When a baby is born, the baby’s father and mother are born at the same time.  Not only the child but also the parents must grow and mature.”  Regarding this poem, the Fourth Konko-Sama said, “Suppose Mr. A is 50 and Mr. B is 25.  We might say Mr. A is almost as old as Mr. B’s parent.  Suppose Mr. A is Mr. B’s real father.  The gap of their respective ages is large.  But when Mr. B is 25 years old, Mr. A has been Mr. B’s father for 25 years as well.  In this sense, these two gentlemen are of the same age, in a way.  The idea that a child and his parents are ‘of the same age’ should be considered seriously, because both the child and parents grow up together.”  Mother cherished this teaching very much, and on my birthday, she thanked Kami for my birth and her having been allowed to become my parent.

When I Was Born

When I was in my mother’s womb, the doctor advised her to “give up carrying this child to term, because in doing so, you may die.”  My mother, however, knew that she was going to persevere, because she had a firm belief, “Kami has given me a chance to give birth to a baby knowing fully that I am physically fragile.  With that thought in my heart, it is impossible for me to give up on my baby.”  She desperately prayed to Kami and gave birth to me.

I was born prematurely, weighing only 1,800 grams, maybe because of my mother’s fragile condition. Because of this, I was placed in an incubator until I gained enough weight like a full term newborn.  In those days, there was a disease common to premature babies called retinopathy of prematurity, which causes abnormal blood vessels to grow in the retina, often leading to blindness.  A few years later, it was discovered that the extremely dense oxygen level in incubators affected the eyes of the premature babies.  It sometimes led to blindness.  I grew up in an incubator, but I had normal eyesight.  As of now, farsightedness has not happened to my eyes, either.  I, however, am color-blind, and have some difficulty in recognizing reds and greens.  For example, my wife might point out to me to see the red flower surrounded by green leaves.  I cannot differentiate the flower from the leaves. Mother often told me not to be frustrated with my color blindness.  She would say, “It was possible that you might have suffered with retinopathy of prematurity, but what you in fact have is color-blindness.  Because of this, you were able to avoid going blind.  A big misfortune turned into a smaller one through Kami’s blessing.  So you must thank Kami for that instead of complaining about your eyes.”   I appreciate her words now and am grateful for Kami’s mercy and blessings on my eyes.

When I was an infant, I had a lot of boils.  They developed on my head and body when I was in the incubator.   Doctors had to cut those boils and remove the pus.  As a result of this treatment, small bald spots formed on my head here and there, for which I was occasionally teased by my classmates.   But my mother often tried to cheer me up by saying.  “You may be bothered by those marks but Kami made sure that the poison in the boils left your body, and because of that you are healthy enough to serve him today.” She also said, “Although I am physically fragile, you were blessed with a healthy body.  You ought to thank Kami for that!”  While still a little boy, my mother taught me of Kami’s wondrous workings in the challenges and aftermath of my premature birth.

When the Ambulance Arrived…

My mother had heart disease and my father, brain infarction, a kind of stroke, and diabetes.  Because of this, I was keenly aware of the importance of health and I usually tried my best not to miss regular medical checkups provided by our hometown city.

At its peak, my blood pressure sometimes climbed to 180 or more. One day, I felt listless in the left leg and I began to hear some piping noise deeply in the inner ear.  At first, I naively thought that birds were singing outside.  However, I still heard this piping sound as I lay in bed at night. Following that episode, I read books on the body and health.  I learned that the ringing in the ears and the sudden, rapid rise in blood pressure can be signs of a brain infarction. I realized that I needed to have my brain thoroughly examined at my next medical checkup.  Kami gives me a good opportunity at an appropriate timing, indeed.”

It happened on the night of May 15, 2013.  I had planned to get a medical checkup the following month.  I woke suddenly in the middle of the night and realized that I couldn’t move my left leg.  I then tried to move my left hand but it didn’t move, either.  I tried to toss and turn but I couldn’t.  I couldn’t stand up.  The left side of my body didn’t move at all.  I prepared myself saying, “This is probably a stroke.”  I crept slowly, using my right hand and tried to say to my wife, “I cannot move my body well, so please give me a hand.”  But my speech didn’t come out clearly, and my wife didn’t seem to understand me very well.  She turned on the light and took a good look at me.  She noticed that the right half of my face was drooping.  She called the ambulance.  While waiting for the emergency vehicle, something most mysterious happened.  The paralysis on the left side of my body disappeared, and I felt the left side of my body fill with strength. I was able to move and stand up.  My entire body was back to normal.  The ambulance attendants examined me and found nothing abnormal.  They were kind enough to ask me, “Do you want us to take you to the hospital?”  I replied “Yes, please,” and got into the ambulance on my own.

The doctor who studied the result CT scan said, “I heard you had cerebral infarction, but I see nothing abnormal in your brain.  Schedule yourself for an examination in the cerebral surgery department.”  When I came home, my wife said, “Honey, maybe it was just a dream, huh!?”  I wasn’t at all sure whether it was real or imagined either.  And I went to bed.

Receiving Sacred Mediation at Our Parent Church

The following morning, I called our parent church, Konko Church of O’otsu.  I asked for Sacred Mediation by way of telephone and spoke to the parent minister, “I had paralysis on the left side of my body yesterday.  But Kami gave me divine blessing and I am now able to use my body as freely as I want.  Please pray to Kami for me so that I can do goyo (sacred task) for the Spring Grand Ceremony of Konko Church of O’otsu.  Please pray for me to keep going without problems.”  Then the parent minister gently answered, “I will pray to our Divine Parent for you.  Receive Kami’s blessing and come to worship at the Spring Grand Ceremony here.”  Later on, I was able to participate in goyo at parent church for its Grand Ceremony, without any troubles.

The next day, I went to the hospital again for another medical check.  The doctor told me, “You have had a transient cerebral ischemia, sometimes called a mini stroke or warning stroke.”  One week later, I took an MRI test.  The doctor said to me, “There is a narrowing of blood vessels inside your brain.     The thickness of normal blood vessels is 10, but yours is only around 4.  The incident you experienced the other day was caused when the blood in those vessels didn’t flow smoothly, triggering the paralysis and other symptoms.  When the blood flow returned to normal those symptoms disappeared.  However, I regret to inform you that this will never be healed completely.  I recommend bypass surgery of the blood vessels in the brain.”  Saying so, the doctor handed me a consent form for surgery.  I was totally unprepared for such a sudden event, and I replied, “Please let me think about the surgery for a while.  I need to discuss this matter with my wife.”

On June 10th, my wife and I went to the Konko Headquarters to worship at the Konkokyo Independence Service.  We also asked for Sacred Mediation at the Central Worship Hall.  On our way back home, we went to our parent church.  At the Mediation Seat, I expressed my feelings: “The doctor advises me to have brain surgery, but my wish is that I will receive Kami’s blessings without the operation.  Please convey my wish to Kami.”  The parent minister kindly replied, “I see.  If that is your wish, I will relay your request to Kami without fail.”

The Meaning of Receiving Kami’s Blessing

After that, I went to see the doctor several times.  Each time the doctor asked me the same question, “When will you have the surgery, Mr. Kondo?”  I discussed this matter with another doctor whom I personally knew, and he also advised me to have the brain operation.  On February 2014, I took another MRI test.  “If the test result is poor, I may really need the surgery,” I thought.  One week later, I visited the hospital to get the results of the MRI.  The doctor looked surprised and said to me, “Your blood vessels look thick.”  He continued, “This can never happen, though.”  The doctor who had long recommended for me to have the brain surgery said, “I will closely monitor your condition, but withhold treatment for now.”  Although I have continued taking medication for a long time, the blood vessels in my brain have never gotten thin.

I have reduced the amount of alcoholic beverages I consume per day and am more conscientious about exercise.  As a result, my weight dropped from 70 kilograms down to 61 kilograms.  As I continue to take medicine, my blood pressure has stabilized, to about 120.  Every time I visit the hospital, I hear these words from my doctor, “Let’s continue to withhold treatments and see what happens.”

And here I am, being allowed to live today.  I want to continue to receive Kami’s blessings without the operation.  I, however, will still consider it Kami’s arrangements if I must have brain surgery.  Either way, I would like to do goyo diligently at my church.

In my case, the paralysis lasted only ten minutes or so.  This is certainly a big blessing Kami gave me.  But I in fact I recognize the even bigger blessings from Kami: For 53 years, I had been allowed to live amidst Kami’s wondrous workings. This was possible, beginning with my parents giving birth to me and also because Konko-Sama and the parent minister constantly prayed to Kami.  For this I needed to thank Kami even more.  For me, being allowed to realize this important truth was a bigger blessing from Kami.

Until that fateful night when I suffered the paralysis, I had completely taken it for granted that I can move my body just as I want.  I realize that the miracle is precisely when our bodies move normally. While I was temporarily paralyzed on the left side of my body, I couldn’t stand up even if I wanted to, and I couldn’t speak well even if I wanted to.  I cannot but wonder how many blessings we are receiving from Kami as we spend each passing day without any hindrance.  I believe that Kami wanted to remind me, “Realize that you are there under the full support and workings of Kami.  And make sure that you will never forget it.”  Through this experience, I was allowed to see a goal I should try to achieve from that day on.  But I realize that I cannot achieve this goal in one day.  This, I believe, is going to be my assignment throughout my lifetime.

Konko Daijin kindly gave teachings such as “Don’t ever forget the longtime pain you have suffered and the divine blessings you have received.  As long as you don’t forget these two things, your illness won’t recur.  Hereafter, when people come to you in pain, give prayers for them while recalling our own suffering and the divine blessings you have received.  If you don’t care about others because you yourself are already cured, your illness will return.  Keep receiving divine blessings with the heart you have now, then your illness won’t recur, and future generations of your family will also receive blessings” and “Service days are important for you to not forget your faith.  You will receive divine blessings as long as you don’t forget these service days.  If you forget, there will be no divine blessings.  These service days are like the memorial service days for not forgetting your deceased parents’ favors.  You must not forget Kami’s favors for everything.”  I am certain that these teachings remind us of the importance for us to consciously remember the divine blessings we are receiving.

Last year marked my 30th year as a minister.  Some of you may say, “Are you still saying such a thing?”  But I am thankful now because I was able to have firsthand experience, through which I was allowed to realize the importance of feeling gratitude for Kami all the time.  When I was healthy enough, I understood the importance of being grateful for my health, but maybe only superficially.  In those days, maybe I wasn’t really truly compassionate with church members when they asked me to conduct Sacred Mediation for them about their illness.  But through Kami’s blessing, I was able to discover this truth and allowed to continue sincere goyo with this realization. We should be grateful to Kami not only after we have had problems and gotten over them, receiving Kami’s blessing, but also when we are allowed to spend each day without any serious problems.  Recently, I humbly talk to Kami in my bed, “Today, I was able to move my hands and legs.  I was able to speak.  I was able to enjoy the meals too.  Thank you very much.”  I do this every night, and then, I fall asleep in Kami’s blessing.

(THE END)